He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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