so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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