My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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