So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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