No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
