Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
