Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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