So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
