Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
