If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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