im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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