READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
