Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
