That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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