Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
