I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
