I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
