singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
