my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
