Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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