why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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