hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
