Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
