1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
