i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
