I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
