I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
