You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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