you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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