4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
