just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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