I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
