So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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