Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
