i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
