my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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