no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
