theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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