She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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