i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
