I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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