i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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