I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
