STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
