I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That accounts for only three of the penises
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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