this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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