On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
