I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize