Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
did i just pee glitter
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