Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
