i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
