Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
