Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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