I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Say something about gay babies.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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